Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I don't always follow my own advice, but I'm gonna try for today at least. I got an email that said "don't have resolutions, but do set goals." That was easy, but then it went on to say that before you set goals you should make a list of things you are thankful for. THAT is a little different. I'm gonna try it here and it will likely be a little incomplete. But consider it a work in progress!
My family first off. I have a great wife. She has lots of challenges and sucks at the "housewife" thing. But she's a good friend and has made it through lots of hard things in life. She's a good model of a survivor in the truest sense of the word. When I can step back and see her for who she is, it gives me strength. Yesterday I got to reaffirm my commitment to be with her as long as she wants to be with me.
My kids. Freakin' A. They're just great. And they play music. My son gave me a home-made christmas card with his graffiti art on it. It was really special, and I don't know if he knows how much that freakin card means to me. My daughter started writing a song for me and wrote me a letter. Part of the letter talks about how she appreciates all the work I do in trying to teach them (her, my son and my nephew) to be musicians. Very nice. Tear-ing me up just thinking about these gifts. And these great kids. Sure I worry about them and they bug me sometimes, but I'm sure I bug them too! Their awesomeness is keeps me going. Don't think they know that.
My nieces and nephews. They all show me they love me. Even the ones with big problems. I do my best and always wish I could do more for them, but I know always that they are gifts in this world. One of my nephews was with his dad and he sent me a picture of a black panther from a nearby zoo for Father's day. He knew I'd get a kick out of that. He sometimes sees me as a parent figure and that's sweet.
Sisters and Brothers. Where to start... I have too many to go into much detail here. I have one sister from my Mother. She's great. She almost always initiates contact. Even though I think she worries too much about who's "biological" and who's not, she still loves me pretty openly. Thanks Mija.
I have lots of brothers and sisters from my Jefito. I love all of them but am not good at reaching out to them. I'm the oldest and pretty much just want to know they are OK. Got to talk to one of my brothers on the first for his birthday. He's a good guy, but overwhelmed because he spent 35 years being a single child and then one day there's a whole bunch of us. My sisters kinda avoid the other brothers, but all show me pretty much how much they love me. I've got great brother-in-laws.
"Steps" and "Adopted" family. I have tons of these too. They are all good. Even though I'm sometimes the "outsider" because I've grown up separated from most of my siblings I love them all very much. Not being good at reaching out doesn't help here either, but they are all good people. Some of them show me they love me more than others, but they all love me - even if only a little bit. I don't like to make the "step" and "adopted" distinction, but its confusing to everyone else but me if I don't do it. LOL* I have some really cool sister-in-laws and bros from this group. People who accept you as you are. Thanks M and S.
Best Friends: I'm one of those fortunate people to have more than one best friend. My first best friend I met when we were 3 years old, but we lost touch after he refused to go to my grandparents funerals. My next best friend I've known probably since first or second grade. She's bossy sometimes, which is a stress that she doesn't think is stress and I think has some to do with her health issues, but she's also solid. Things get tough sometimes but I know she'll always be there. I'm pretty convinced that she would do pretty much anything for me. We've been through a lot together. And looks like we'll be through a lot more together. Thanks VT.
MM has been my best friend since college. She's sometimes distant but always there when I really need her. Lets me cry about stuff and sometimes lets herself cry. Always there and always supportive.
MR is my music brother. Helped me a lot when I was getting back into playing music. Doesn't realize how much positive impact he's had. And a great singer too. One of the only brothers to tell me he loves me just because - no beer necessary. Truly a good man. Gracias Carnal!
MG is a good buddy. She's taken me nudie bars to cheer me up after people die or something ruff happens.
LG is a great guy a good listener and always supportive.
Boo is my Raza Unida brother. Always wanting to do more than he can, but always assessing what is realistic. A good friend that I don't see enough of.
Parental Units. I've had three sets and a couple of extras. My grandparents raised me and they were my first parents to me. They had me since I was 6 months old until they went to the rest home. Gracias por todo 'buelitos.
My mom and dad did the best they could. They had lots of crap going on that was beyond me. He died at 45 and she at 55 just so you get an idea of how hard life was for them.
I left home at 15 and was "adopted" by my "adopted family." Moms passed early but pops is still around. They did a lot in supporting me through tough things. Moms couldn't figure out why I still loved my bio parents, but she loved me a lot and it always helped. Pops is still there for me, he's the last parent I have left.
Other things to be thankful for.
*The assistant principle cancelled the long-term suspension hearing for my son and sent him back to class - TODAY!!!!
*The Simpsons allow me to turn off my brain and laugh for 20something minutes a week.
*Blog buddies who have made this a good experience.
*Club Rhythm and Blues - closed now because the owner was a dealer, but its open mic was my first bar performance in about 20 years.
*Mezcla Latina got me back into being a performing musician.
*My home gym has helped me push myself and start getting myself healthy again.
*Wild Bunch- who else could get me into a red Zoot Suit!
*A steady check! Without which life would probably suck more than I bitch about already! LOL!!!
*Women, even though its sexist, I still like to look at women. Sometimes that distracts me from problems.
*Apparently I'm still attractive to women (at least to a couple), and what the hell, I'm gonna be thankful for THAT! LOL
*I have lots of good friends across the country.
*Music. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for music. Jimi Hendrix kept me alive as a teen. And playing now keeps me from hurting people. If someone would pay me to do it fulltime I'd be on it.
*Co-Counseling is a place where I get to dump some of my issues and come back feeling better. There's a lot of good people who I consider friends there.
*Cousin Lis who just started reading this blog. I love my cousins! And this one is also very special to me.
*Mezcla Experience is the band that I play in with my kids. Its just a great thing. There's days I would kill to be able to play again with my dad or listen to my uncles. I don't think its the same for my kids, but it grounds me - even with the stress of encouraging them to practice. It is truly one of the best things in my life.
Some people have said this blog is a little revealing. Oh well, I figure that's what its for. I don't say everything I think because some people know me and my family personally. And some people are co-workers, but overall its pretty open and I'm gonna keep it that way.
*LOL = Laugh Out Loud