Thursday, September 29, 2005

Panic Attacks y Mas

OK, so its been more than once so I am gonna pay attention to it. But I've had a few of what I would call "panic attacks." I'm going off of descriptions that others have given me - tight chest, anxiousness, feeling helpless, frustrated, etc.

Some of it comes from being an activist and backing off of that type of lifestyle (meetings, demonstrations, etc.) to one that's more centered around me. But having tons of gigs lately isn't helping - even though I play music for my own sake. It all adds up. The sense of needing to be "productive" and also the sense of needing to rest.

This is the downside of activism that is hard for people and hard ON people. Families break up, people become diabetics, workaholics, alcoholics, etc. Because many people can't manage it. Others become bitter and leave.

I'm trying not to become bitter, but I definately need to let go of some stuff. Just can't be a full-time worker, parent/spouse, and part-time musician while doing activism.

Its worse because my job is very similar to my activism. There ends up not being any real downtime. When I try to take downtime I end up feeling like I'm ripping off someone's time. Either my job's or my work's or my family's, etc.

Then of course people give me all kinds of lectures. THAT helps! LOL!!!*

Bueno enough of that for now. Tonight is really a night off! I'm gonna run with that and chill.

Amor y Rebeldia!

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