Thursday, August 11, 2005
The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly
The bad, just really feeling crappy. Really crappy. Unhealthily crappy.
Had rehearsal last night, and we started a song. This song, I've asked what chords are missing more than once, but felt ignored. So we have a new guy and he says, these chords need to go here, an voila! The percussionist is stressed because that's "holding up" practice, but that's what I feel like when we spend 15-30 minutes working on a harmony line for a song, and then at the next practice we still have to review that. It's slow, but its just a part of learning to get really good.
The night before the bass player was showing the guitarist some chords, and I'd ask him what chord it was. He would point the bass at me and hit the string really loud. Its like when someone speaks louder because you don't know the same language. It just doesn't help, and is sorta patronizing.
My family was gone after work before rehearsal, no note or anything like that, but its usual. When I got home from rehearsal, still no fam. They came home around 9:30pm. Had been out running errands and lots of different stuff. She checked the back and the dog had dug up half the garden that we had been growing this summer! I just kinda sunk... last straw kinda thingy.
Wife wanted to talk, so I just kinda burst out about not wanting to work, feeling that I can't get stuff together, dog tears up stuff outside, cat inside, people want me in all these different directions, yada yada...
She gets really bummed out and says "well I guess I'll have to work for the school district" (she's a headstart teacher now). I tell her, did you notice that feeling when you felt bad that you HAD to go work for more money to be the main support. I said you may have only felt it for a second, but that's what I feel everyday. I get up and go to work to be the main "breadwinner" and its a HAVE TO. And I've had that feeling for the last 12 years at least. (Before then we made close to the same amount.)
At least I figured out what's eating me...
MORE TO COME...